Preparing for a Custody Battle

Divorce can be one of the most challenging experiences in life, especially when children are involved. When custody is contested (either during a divorce or even after a divorce), the emotional and financial affect on people is even greater. It is always best when parents can agree on custody, but that's not always possible. When custody battles are unavoidable, you need to be prepared. Hire a good attorney and consider the following:

  1. Don't make assumptions. Regardless of what you've heard, don't assume that courts will favor you because you are the mom (or for any other reason). Indiana law requires that a court determine the best interests of the children - that analysis does not contemplate your gender. Be prepared to discuss and defend examples showing you are the better custodian.
  2. Prove you are the primary caregiver. Be prepared to discuss examples of the meaningful contact you have had with your children. What does an average day look like? This includes things like who helps with them homework, takes them to doctor appointments, attends parent-teacher conferences, transports them to and from extracurricular activities, cooks their meals, ensures good hygiene, puts the them to bed, etc.
  3. Keep a diary. Keeping a calendar/journal is imperative. In addition to recording where the children spend each overnight, also include how frequently telephone calls to the children are made, whether additional parenting time is requested, whether scheduled parenting time is exercised, and whether or not it is timely. Note the other parent's attendance (or lack thereof) at special events concerning your children's school, sporting events, doctor appointments, etc. Do not rely on your memory during a custody battle to prove your case to the judge. Keeping good records will increase your credibility in court.
  4. Be your own best witness. It is important that you do not appear to the judge to be overly critical and negative of the other parent. Focus more on how you are better for your children and less on the faults of the other parent. Address your concerns about the other parent having custody in a respectful, mature way. Additionally, be prepared to respond to concerns the other parent raises about you. Be sincere in explaining your parenting mistakes, including what you learned so, as to avoid the same in the future.
  5. Don't be self-destructive. Be aware that any of your shortcomings will be brought to the forefront in a custody battle. We live in a time of incredible technology--cell phones with cameras, internet and social media (i.e. Facebook, MySpace). Understand that evidence of drinking, drug use, or any instance of poor judgment (including the character of those with whom you associate) can negatively affect your case.